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[14 Dec 2006|02:18am] |
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Romeo - Basement Jaxx |
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Not to be dramatic, but I am awfully pissed right now...
Physics 100 - D/PRG (retake)
Chemistry 124 - F
Quantitative Lab 126 - F
Someone, please kill me.
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[12 Oct 2006|06:17am] |
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mood |
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Mischa Daniels - Take Me Higher |
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I think it's about time to start writing in this damned thing again. It's been ages. I think almost a full year since I updated last, actually. Which is CRAZY. Considering I used to update this daily or even multiple times a day!
I don't really even know what to talk about. Life, I guess. That is the whole point of having a journal isn't it? To talk about your life? I dunno. That's all I ever use it for. But it's funny because I usually only write in here when things aren't going well.
So, I guess that would be why I'm here.
Things aren't as bad as I make them they seem. School really is the only thing that sucks. It has the ability to stress me out more than *probably* every other kind of drama in my life. COMBINED. It just fascinates me that it has that large of a grip over my emotions. It's a little scary actually. I will be sitting around, perfectly content one moment and then all of a sudden I just burst into tears because I feel like I'm not good enough. You're not good enough I'm never going to make it through this school. You're never going to make it...then when I start getting on that whole track, I start feeling like nothing is going right at all. Sometimes I wonder about my life...where it's taking me and what the hell I'm doing with it.
I hope I'm not wasting it.
Honestly, sometimes I feel meaningless. And it sucks. Feeling like you have no purpose is just about the most degrading feeling in the world, I would have to say. Life is just odd isn't it?
After writing all this I feel like I just complain a lot. Which I do. But that's not to say my life is horrible. I'm really grateful for all of the things I have and all of the things I have experienced.
AHFOIJEWOVIJNJBNIIOAUEWROIWOIUFOJAF
I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about anymore...it's late, this entry was over before it even started.
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[12 Mar 2006|09:45pm] |
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The Truth About Heaven - Armor For Sleep |
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This weekend was really interesting. I can feel myself reverting to lazy mode though. Now that I've had a taste of spring break I don't want to go through another week of school to get mine. Even though I really don't even have that much to get done this week considering I had tests in all of my major classes last week. That was chaotic! Tonight I was getting so pissed off when I went swing dancing...I don't know what the freaking deal was. Right when we finished our last run through I just walked out, punched the wall, and got a drink of water. Then I came back to my room and went to take a shower. I honestly don't know why I am so mad though. It could be a number of things I guess. I'm sort of pissed at myself for this weekend. I feel like I'm an ass to Rachel. I feel like I'm turning into a bad friend. I go through these sorts of feelings where I think I've changed so much from how I used to be that I'm just not the same person anymore. That kid I used to be, I'm not him anymore. What changed though? Has time just gone by so fast that everything that has happened to me feels like a dream now? I don't know how to put my finger on any of this...
On the other hand, it was nice to be home this weekend. I got to see Rachel, Mime, Sarah, Liz, Kyle and Bryan both days that I was home. That was really cool. And of course it was good to see my cousin too, considering that was the whole reason I was even home this weekend. Last night sure was crazy though. I stayed at Sarah/Liz/Bryan's house until 12:30 then dropped Mime and Rachel off. Then I headed over to Kyle's house to give him his movie back that I had borrowed earlier; which, by the way, I didn't even watch. Haha. Oh well though. But then I probably didn't leave his house until a little after two. So I got home at 2:30 and went to bed at around 2:45. So then I had to wake up at 3:30 because my cousin's flight was leaving at 6:15 so we had to leave early to make sure she was in Denver early enough. It wasn't too bad though since I wasn't driving and could sleep the whole way to the airport. Then my sister drove me back to Golden. I got home around 6:00 and then went back to bed until 2 in the afternoon. That definitely made up for my lack of sleep earlier. I guess that pretty much covers my day...after I woke up I didn't do much but sit around. I really need to start writing this fucking paper though, gah. It's pretty much the only thing I need to do this week but I still can't bring myself to go through with it. When time gets closer I'm sure that I'll be able to do it though.
Agh...I just want to go back home and sleep in my own bed already.
I just wish I knew why I'm not feeling like myself anymore, once I can figure that out then I will feel better...I hope. Well this has turned into a retarded entry, I think maybe I'll actually attempt to begin writing my paper now that I have vented a little bit. Peace out.
P.S. I have been having weird dreams lately and I'm not sure that I really like them. I just had to make a note of that because even though I don't like them, I still want to remember them.
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[14 Feb 2006|01:29pm] |
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Trench Warfare - Open Hand |
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Edit:
So, I was basically making a HUGE deal out of nothing with that last entry. I'm not saying that it's not true but it's not like thinking about all of that has completely ruined my day or anything. Fuck, I'm still hella happy about my %100! Anyway, I really need to stop writing in this thing and start studying for my chem test tomorrow.
I'm going to look for an apartment tomorrow, yesssssssss....I'm living with this kid who lives next door to me. It's going to be pretty badass.
P.S. my arms are FACKING sore from weight lifting yesterday! (Yes, I did mean to say facking)
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[13 Feb 2006|03:31pm] |
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Trench Warfare - Open Hand |
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100 FUCKING PERCENT BITCHES!!!!
Haha, I know that test was easy but this semester is already going so much better. YEA YEA YEA!
That is all.
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[08 Feb 2006|07:10pm] |
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Falling Away From Me - Korn |
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It's pretty amazing that I haven't been able to bring myself to update this thing in the past two months. I thought I would've been bored enough over winter break to do it but obviously I wasn't! Anyway, school has started once again. I am having a much better time with it this semester thus far. The night before I went back to school I had a talk with my parents about my life and about school; that was definitely one of the best things to do. I think that last semester, after a while, I just gave up and shut myself in completely. I didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone and that was a huge mistake. I've been trying to make up for my time as a hermit now by actually hanging out with people in my hall and it is so much better this way! Good things definitely come out of it. I actually have been hanging out with Nick, the kid who lives next door to me, a lot we are planning on getting an apartment together next year. It's will be really exciting for sure. That has been giving me something to look forward to also, a nice goal to work towards. Something else that I've started doing is playing water polo. It is really exhausting but I really enjoy it because it's helping me get back into shape and I think it has always helped my mentality when I am part of some sort of sport. Swing dancing is going really well too, we are doing some crazy stuff though! Within the next couple of weeks I'm going to have to start leap-frogging my partner while she is standing up completely. Here's the clincher: she is probably at least 5' 10" and I am within half-an-arms length distance when I have to do this! It will be insane if I can pull it off! Rachel competes on UNC's swing dance team and so we will be competing against eachother in a couple of months in Boulder. I'm already nervous about it!
So anyway, school. Haha, I like how I put that subject off until now. The first few weeks were weird. I basically felt like I was in remedial classes because everyone else is ahead of me now and there aren't nearly as many people taking the same class as me now. Which, is a good thing for me because I can get help more easily and I have stopped comparing myself to other people so much. It is really funny how they teach things the second time around though. They go all slow and do tons of examples..which definitely is a good thing in my opinion! They just teach it like "well, obviously you didn't get this the first time around so I'm going to go verrrrrryyyyy slooooooowwwwwwww". It makes me laugh :)
My chem professor this semester is much better too. Actually, I really like all of my teachers this time around. The guy who taught chem last semester actually retired too so I was happy. That guy was such a dick. Like I thought he was really awesome when I first met him, but whenever I went to his office to ask him question he would just look at me like I was a complete dumbass and use a condescending tone. My calc professor is really awesome, she is young and very nice about everything. I've already been to her office to ask her questions and she is seriously the nicest. And my NHV teacher...she is probably the nicest out of all of them haha. She is seriously like a grandma. Like, on Tuesday we were in class peer-editing papers and I was in there forever because I had to read my partners case study first, which happened to be 26 pages long. So, basically I was in there forever reading and then editing. Anyway, my pen went dry and so I asked her if she had one I could borrow and she just replied "Oh, bless your heart! Your working so hard that your pen just died on you," haha she is so nice. And she runs the class really well. Like all the other people I know that have different teachers for that class are doing all this stupid busy work. So far we have only done stuff pertaining to the course and it rocks. I cannot stand when teachers (ESPECIALLY in college courses) give out busy work. What a fucking waste.
Yea, I can't decide if I want to go to water polo tonight or not. I usually go with Nick and this kid Kevin in my hall but neither of them are going and I don't really know any of the other guys very well yet so it might be sort of awkward if I go. We'll see I guess. I definitely need to study a lot tonight anyway though, my first calc test is tomorrow. I am READY for this though! I'm not even really nervous about it. I just feel prepared. I have actually learned to do something called STUDYING this semester, yea, it really helps...haha. ME NO LIE! Uh.....I guess I don't really have anything else to say. I am probably going up to Greeley this weekend since Valentine's Day is on a freakin' Tuesday..LAME!
Then I am probably going to be in the Springs next weekend too. So yea, those are my plans. Next week is going to suck though because I have a paper due, and my first econ and chem tests! It'll be fine though, as long as I don't stay in Greeley all weekend haha. Anyway, I'm seriously done now. Peace out suckas!
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| I am sofa king we todd ed |
[30 Nov 2005|10:48am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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Danger Doom - Sofa King |
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This past week has been extremely interesting. I want to say that I feel like I won't slack off anymore, but if I say that then I know I just will anyway.
Ok, can someone please tell me why motivation is such a bitch this year? In high school, it was so easy to get things done. In middle school, I would come home and do all of my homework right then so I could have fun the rest of the night. In high school I started procrastinating but I still got my shit done. And now that I'm in college I have finally evolved to a completely new level of lazyness. I procrastinate and don't even really study. That is, until the last minute, when it hardly even matters. It should totally be the other way around. I should be studying right off the bat when I have time and relaxing the last few moments I have before the test.
Last night was a horrible night for me. I had my last calc test before the final and I know I just did awful on it. I tried to finish as much as I could but I wasted so much time on problems that I thought I knew how to do. So pretty much I didn't finish all of the problems and I completely ran out of time. I turned in my test, got my stuff and started walking back to my room. I definitely had a break down while I was walking back to my room. I was just hoping the whole time that no one would see me when I went to my room. I went out for a drive though and that helped. All I could think about was how awful that test was and how I'm letting everyone around me down, including myself. I know I am so much smarter than this.
On top of that I couldn't just relax because I needed to edit this paper and send it to my team by yesterday, so basically I stayed up until 3 in the morning working on it. From 10:30 til 3 in the morning! Then I almost missed chemistry lecture this morning. Apparently I got up to turn off my alarm and fell asleep in my chair, all of which I don't remember doing. So now I am REALLY tired but I have to go to calc in 45 minutes. After that it's definitely nap time though. AHHHHHHHH...today I think I'm just going to relax a little bit. Definitely study for the calc final though. I need to fucking get my shit straight.
I'm not final on this decision yet, but I think I'm going to withdraw from chemistry. Luckily freshman can withdraw from classes up until the day before the final so it won't fuck up my GPA or anything. It is going to suck to have to retake that class again next semester, but I would rather concentrate on passing calc this semester because if I don't, then I won't advance to calc II or physics. I'd rather be in those classes then in chem II. I just don't want to spend all my time trying to learn and perfect all this chemistry shit when I clearly need to be concentrating on calculus. I dunno, we'll see what happens. I just need to do the math and figure out what I need to get on my finals to pass my classes.
I want to go here so bad, and I know I can, so why the fuck I am I not working like I want to be here?
BLKAJOFHEPIJOLWJEOFJLKJ:LNICNS:KFKUJYEIRU@#*&(9
I'm going to go relax for a while. Sorry for the lame ass update...until next time
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[10 Nov 2005|09:19pm] |
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Her Song - Open Hand |
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Well, seeing as everyone has been updating lately I figured I had better jump on the bandwagon. My life is going a lot better than it had been going earlier this semester. I finally feel like the "drugged" feeling I've been having is starting to go away, or that it is just gone completely. It was a really weird feeling though...everything was always sort of hazy and I could never give my complete focus to anything. I feel like I hadn't really been going to school just because I told myself I was listening and paying attention in class but really my mind was just wondering. I think it just kept wandering and got so lost that it ended up back in place. Haha, I've also been telling myself for the longest time that I just can't go to school here. Somewhere else would be better for me. The school work here is far to hard for me.
IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.
I CAN do this. I can't believe that I let it get in my head that I couldn't. Everytime I am at the bottom of the peak, something happens that allows me to just keep hanging on. When I was really doubting going here, my family and I traveled up here just to take a look at the school again. It was graduation that day. I know it's a coincidence...I guess I just want to keep thinking that I'm supposed to be going here. And I am.
Also, I have been pretty mad because I got a 60% on my second Calc test. All because of stupid mistakes. I finally realized I just have serious issues with test taking. I am probably the worst test-taker any of you will ever meet. Well, I guess when it comes to math at least. There are other things affected by it though, just maybe not to that degree. Anyway, the point is, that week when I went to class I was just having the worst day ever. Then my teacher started off his lecture but he was talking about test anxiety and that you could go to the student center and get help for it. I was REALLY excited about this. So, yesterday I went and made my appointment to go there and get help and the guy who deals with everyone just happens to be the teacher for one my stupid freshman classes, basically it is like the Link program at Wasson. So I was pretty happy about that, it made me less nervous to talk to someone I know.
Anyway, I'm just really glad I did something about my problem. I feel more like me again.
I guess that's pretty much it though...nothing real interesting going on here! I CANNOT WAIT until Thanksgiving and Winter Break!!!!
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| What is wrong with me? |
[25 Oct 2005|04:05pm] |
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apathetic |
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G Love - Stepping Stones |
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I got my 2nd chem test back today and I got a 70% on it. I should be really happy with that since it is a 57% increase from my last test. For some reason am still feel really unfulfilled. I guess it is probably because I am surrounded by the true perfectionists. People who would kill to get an A. It's ok and all...I just have to deal with being a sort of mediocre student now...not the above average student I was in high school. Kind of a hard to transition to make.
I think another transition that I am struggling with is growing up. In less than 3 months I am going to be 19. That means I only have a little over a year before I'm no longer a teenager! My sister sort of had a hard time with it but at the time I didn't really understand what the big deal was. You can't help growing older but it is sort of traumatizing when you step back and look at how fast things are passing you by. I don't know if everyone goes through this or not but I sort of think that this is affecting me in a way that isn't very good. I think about how things have changed so much that is tends to distract me when it is most important for me to be concentrating. It's like I spend so much time thinking about it that I don't really pay attention to my surroundings, it really feels as if I'm on drugs all the time. I'm just constantly spacing out. Blurring the line between fantasy and reality. It's starting to get on my nerves. I'm not sure though if it is really a serious problem or not.
By the way, I am going to contest the grading on one of my questions. The question was worth 12 points and I only got 3. Written all over my answer was "NOT THE QUESTION". Not once, but twice. It was sort of a slap in the face seeing as I DID answer the question. I KNOW that I didn't fully answer it, I definitely left out a few parts that would've helped but for having 3/4 of the idea, I shouldn't get counted off by 3/4 of the points. That is completely messed up. Hopefully even if the professor I go to doesn't completely agree with my reasoning I can at least get a few points by going in and arguing. We'll see what happens. Anyway, I really ought to start studying for my calc test.
BLEGH...
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[21 Oct 2005|02:30am] |
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So, just as I get into bed, my phone starts ringing.
Immediate thoughts:
1) Rachel
2) Russell
3) Patrick
It was Russell
and he was drunk
so I went to pick up him and two guys I didn't know from some apartments around town
then I got back to my parking lot and as I was walking to my room Patrick calls me and asks if I was still driving or not cuz if I was he wanted me to come get him and his friend
I said I wasn't but it was fine if he wanted me to come get them but he said no
so I kept walking...
...for about 15 seconds and then I began to feel really bad
cuz it was cold out
so I went back to my car and drove around for 10 minutes trying to find them haha
then I took them back and here I am now at 2:40 in the morning!
This all started at 2 in the morning by the way
I have been up til 2 every night this week and last week and have had to get up everyday at 7 to get ready for class. You'd think I would be more tired but when I get my fuckin' second wind I'll be awake forever. So now I'm writing this out of boredom and not being able to go to sleep-dom.
I feel pretty good about my chem test. I know I probably didn't do that well but I KNOW I did better than my last test. I'm happy :)
Anyway, I'm done with this now.
Is it sad that I've watched Advent Children twice already within a span of 10 hours?
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| Fizzuck! |
[20 Oct 2005|02:30pm] |
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mood |
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Count Basie - Wind Machine (old school jazz band song!) |
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Alright, here's the situation, I'm just going to do a real quick update because I really should be studying for my chemistry test. I just never learn, do I!?
Anywho, things are going pretty well. I would have to say that school is probably the best it has ever been right now. Actually, now that I think about it, it's probably so good because I've been able to build my self-worth back up since the last test I had. Too bad my second chem test is up in a few hours, that should bring it right back down ;) Heh, I kid of course. I am 983479237234 x e^44 more confident for this test. My situation has been going a lot better, I'm finally adjusted to everything (I think), I've made quite a few friends here, and school doesn't seem so bad. Perception really is everything. It's really weird to think about how much power your brain has over your body and emotions sometimes. They sure as hell weren't kidding when they said you'd have to lower your own standards to come to this school. I remember debating at first whether I should do the honors program here or not. Then I found out they select you. Like, you have to apply and all but you have to be damn smart to do that here I think. I thought I was so smart in high school and even though I knew...I KNEW college would be so hard, I still came in with the mentality that I could just blow everything off like I did in high school and get away with it. PSH. Boy was I wrong. I sort of didn't want to say this publicly but your all my friends so screw it! For those of you who didn't already know, I am not doing very well with school thanks to my shitty initial perceptions. Check out these sweet exam grades:
Chem - 13%
Calc - 71%
Earth Systems - 58%
Hah, what a fucking joke. That was probably the worst way (or best) to start off college. Worst cuz, well, it just sucked. But it was probably for the better since now I know how I need to do things. It was a slap in the face though, which sucks no matter how good the reasons for it are.
Onto another note...I miss my friends and family so much. I know I'm anything but far away from them, but you never realize how important something is to you until it's gone. Going home is such a treat now. It's actually really nice to go home because it sort of clears my mind of school. Prepares me for the week to come. I think it was sort of a bad thing though that I had a three day weekend (all of which I spent at home). On Monday night I was at home eating dinner and I started feeling really sick all of a sudden like I was just going to vomit everywhere and it wasn't good at all. Later I realized that I was just sort of freaking myself out like, "Holy shit, I really really don't want to go back to school. My second chem test is this week and I just can't handle it anymore!". This is just tougher than I would've ever imagined. Probably because I just kept telling myself I'd go to CSU or something and I figured it wouldn't be so bad, I could handle that (not that CSU is by any means easy or anything). Then what do I go and do? Decide at the last minute to go to Mines. With that if it were too hard, I could just drop out and go to a different school. Well, now that I'm here I don't want to leave. Everyone says the first year or two here just SUCKS. After that it starts getting sweet. And I sure as hell believe it. So, basically I'm not putting myself through hell the first year only to drop out and go to another school. No matter how much it sucks or how much the people here bother me. I still don't know sometimes if I'm cut out for this, but what the hell else am I gonna do with my life?
I watched Advent Children today with a bunch of people from my hall. Some of them were just laughing at it and shit like that. I don't even know how to explain this to other people, let alone myself, but I feel like I have very intense emotions. It's dumb and corny and I don't know how to explain it at all and whenever I try to I end up looking like some stupid fag. I had always read on those name analysis things and also about people who are aqaurius' that they have this feeling. I knew I always was like that but I guess it didn't really hit me until today. Surrounded by a bunch of people who are cold engineers and don't really understand all that emotional stuff (hey, it's just like my dad!) in Advent Children just made me feel so isolated and out of place. That just catches me off guard sometimes and I really don't like it because it makes me think that "Hey, maybe this isn't the right place for me to be going". But, like I said earlier, I'm stuck here basically by my own will. It is really an odd thing. Sort of Catch-22ish...but not really.
So this kid that lives on the other end of the hall from me has been coming into random people's rooms and just stealing their food. WHILE THE PERSON IS IN THERE. So yesterday I was in my friend Ryan's room and the kid comes in, just straight up takes a fruit by the foot from Ryan without asking or being offered. No one in the room really said anything about it but I'm sure we were all thinking WTF?! So Ryan continues to play Perfect Dark (yes, that's right, PERFECT DARK) and he fails the mission. The kid who took the fruit by the foot (Newton) then says, "Idiot." and then walks out of the room. Then, later that night when I got back from the grocery store he comes in my room. Walks in, doesn't say hi or anything, and just starts going through my fridge. He takes out a Pepsi and I said "What are you doing?" "Taking one of your Pepsis" "Uh...nooooo...." *awkward silence* "Penis mouth..." !!!!!!! WTF?! "Dude, I just bought those Pepsis with my money and not to mention they are still warm from being in the store" and then he just put the Pepsi back and walked out of my room. He's been doing this to at least 3 other rooms besides mine too. That kid is such a dick. Like, he's always been really quiet and stuff but I didn't ever think he was mean. Well, that changed last night! If I were cool with him then ya, that would probably be fine, but just because I've said "Whats up?" a few times doesn't mean you can just come barging in my room and stealing my food/beverages.
Overall message of this entry: WTF MATE?!
And now, time to zen out/study for the chem test! Hope all of you are doing well!
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| School Update |
[05 Oct 2005|12:06am] |
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mood |
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Dear Chemistry,
FUCK YOU!
Love,
Kevin
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| Hello Moto |
[15 Sep 2005|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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Bloodless - Emery |
] |
I hate hate hate how apathetic I have become. That is basically a summary of this entry. Honestly, I am writing this entry purely for my memory so I don't expect any of you to read this. Save yourself five minutes by NOT reading this. ( blah blah blah )
Note to self: Be a better student, be an adult, be responsible, be conscious, be positive, be involved, and for God's sake be everything you've ever wanted to be.
Live up to your own expectations...that should be more than enough motivation.
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| FUCK YEA!!! |
[31 Aug 2005|06:40pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
Guess the fuck what???
( click here for a surprise )
ANYWAY...that is my spectacular news. Pretty sad that I would rather do an entry about this than college. Haha...MEH! I am so ecstatic right now!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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| Why |
[18 Aug 2005|09:57pm] |
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mood |
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What the hell is wrong with me...
I just didn't picture it being like this.
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| Oui Kavult |
[10 Aug 2005|07:46pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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Gwen Stefani - Cool |
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I really think I am about ready to shank someone. So, if you see me in the next few days you might want to watch out...I'm just giving you fair warning people!
( I ♥ Armor for Sleep )
I cannot believe that I'm leaving here in a little over a week. And of course, much like my friends, I didn't discover the hookah bar until it was almost too late.
SIGH
Dane Cook was so rediculously right when he was saying that whenever you aren't in love everyone else is...will someone please do me the honor of handing me a sword so I can kill myself? Just kidding...I am definitely not suicidal or anything but this depression is killing me. Especially when I only have a week left. Especially when yesterday was one of the best days ever. But of course my shitty fucking mindset had to butt in and ruin all my god damn fun. If someone just locked me in my car with all of my cd so I could just sing my heart out, I think I might last.
Oh yea, and I LOVEEEEEEEE peach pie I discovered!
FIN
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[05 Aug 2005|02:24am] |
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mood |
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mellow |
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Missy Elliott - Lose Control |
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Ok, so as I'm driving home from Rachel Nelson's house out of no where I just see three people in white shirts book it up a street. Then I drove back around to check it out again because I don't want shady people sneaking around my neighborhood. Then I see them chuck some huge white thing into someone's yard. Then I drive back around once again, this time peeling out to maybe freak them out like I know what they're up to or something. It pretty much freaked me out though because nothing ever happens in my neighborhood, and, to be honest, that's the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it.
So I went over to Rachel's tonight to watch Dressy Bessy on Conan and it was quite fun. I got to see some people I haven't seen in a while and overall it was a good time. I am really enjoying the talks I have with Rachel.
I made plans last night with Stefanie Heald to go to a Sky Sox game with her tomorrow (or today, rather). BUT I sort of spaced that it is our little annual get together thing so now I feel bad cancelling plans with her. BUT (yes, again) my dad happened to get tickets for another Sky Sox game which is taking place on Sunday and he has four tickets. My sister isn't going to be here because she is traveling to Phoenix to see her boyfriend. So maybe Stef will be willing to come to that game with me? Who knows...I guess either way it's not the end of the world but it would be cool to see her before I leave and all.
On that note, I am getting REALLY freaked out about college. The more and more I think about it, the more I freak out. I really can't decide whether or not I want to swim for Mines this year. On one hand, it would be really tough to deal with 6-8 practices a week plus 11 meets throughout the 7 month season. I can see how all of this would conflict with my school first of all, not to mention all the activities I really would like to try out. I just want to try lots of things because I want to find out what I really like. This is odd but I want to do rush week and see whats up with the fraternities on campus and such. This is also really lame but I want to try out the ballroom dance club because after the rehearsals (I guess?) they take you out swing dancing and it just sounds like a lot of fun. Back to swim though, I'm getting distracted! On the other hand, I think it would be good because even though I might have less time, it would force me to manage the *precious* I do have. Not to mention it gets you out of PA (physical activity aka GYM) and gives you 4 credits rather than .5 or thats what I hear anyway. Plus I am automatically introduced to people who have like interests and can probably help me with homework and such not too mention being friends. Plus I could stay in shape. Plus I hear not everyone competes in the meets, which means I could just practice (which is what I really want, to stay in shape without having to compete...or much in that case) PLUS.................
Can you see my dilemma?
It just seems like either way it could work out. But I have a suspiscion that if I don't swim that I am going to become lazy and just sit in my dorm room, playing video games and procrastinating...much like what I do now. Not too mention my roommate plays football so he is probably going to be out of the dorm quite often as well so if he is gone all the time and I'm in there all the time I'm just going to be bored out of my mind. And even though Mines seems to offer a SHIT LOAD of activities and fun things to do, I have a feeling that if I'm just sitting around my dorm all day I won't do any of it. Just look at what I could be doing with my summer, but I'm not. So, to me, the situation seems eerily simliar.
ANYWAY, eventually I'm sure I will be all settled and everything will be fine no matter what I decide to do. As of the moment though, I've decided to do swim because I've emailed the coach and all telling him I want to do it. I don't want to regret not trying to do it. I don't want to not do it and then hear from all my friends doing it that it was really fun and then not be able to do it Sophomore year because I'm all kinds of out of shape. I don't know...LOOK...I'm dropping it!
ANYWAY Pt. 2
Other than all of that I'm worried about classes and the workload but, like I said before, I'm sure I will be fine. I just don't know what I will do with myself if school doesn't work out next year. There is nothing I am passionate about that I could go into as far as a career goes.
I AM STILL EXCITED THOUGH...just worried is all haha.
Whoa...I just heard a noise and it sounded like the water was being turned on from outside and I freaked out because I thought maybe those weird sneaky kids were around my house. I definitely get paranoid about this time of night! I promise one of these days I will do a better update...just give me more time!
P.S. I am finally on the second disc of Final Fantasy VII (Shut up Myers!) so hopefully I'll have it all finished by the time Advent Children comes out. I'm out kids!!
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| SCARY! |
[27 Jul 2005|02:01pm] |
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Ok so according to this I am going to die ON MY 42nd BIRTHDAY from appendicitis. Which isn't too out of the ordinary or anything either so guess who's going to paranoid on that day?!
Anyway, sorry I haven't been updating more often lately but I promise to start doing it more. I gotta go to the doctor's office now though so I'll save it for later.
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[22 Jun 2005|02:24am] |
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Well I am off to Minnesota in about 6 hours here so I just wanted to say a final goodbye to everyone. I hope you all have a great time while I am gone and I will see you all when I get back. You can count on that...ya sure you betcha'!! I love you all!!
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xilieforyoux's journal